This week has been strange and I haven't felt much like blogging. There have been some great moments and I know God has been completely at work, but at the same time some confusing times.

For example last night Chris called me to let me know that one of the guys we were in college with died in his sleep at some point last week. I was by no means one of his closest friends. We had had some great conversations while at college and I would certainly consider him more than just an aquaintance. The thing that really hit me about his death was that life is so fragile and that the people we know and love are so precious and deserve to know that.

I was left feeling pretty confused as I cycled home - what right do I have to piggy-back my emotional journey on the back of this young man's death? How should this inform the way that I live? Am I just a hopeless melancholic?

Friend's photos:
Mark Churchill
Emma Nordeborn
Mark Evans

I seem to have been learning tons about myself in the past fortnight. At times it's been painful, and at times liberating, but I think the overall effect will be good. A lot of it involves relinquishing control, letting God direct my life, instead of holding things tightly like some spoiled child.

It's interesting being surrounded by people who are on a similar journey, of quesitioning, listening and trying to quiet the voice which says, "take control, it's your life." It's time to quiet my hectic inner life.

No more cake
When I said I was trying to give up control I didn't mean self control, but with the amount of cake flying around the office the last few days it's been difficult to resist.

This weekend I learned another new game. On Saturday we went to a field overlooking Clifton Suspension Bridge and played the Swedish game of Kubb, which involves throwing pieces of wood at pieces of wood in an attempt to knock them down.

I was stoked because I was reasonably good at it and my team kept winning (which never happens the first time you play a game like say [the cursed] Settlers of Catan).

We got asked to move pitches because the five of us were making too much noise for the 80 or so people who were watching an open air production of Shakespeare's As You Like It, and soon noticed that as people were walking by they were rubber-necking at this unknown game.

Eventually Emelie invited some guys who were walking by to join us (hi Jamie, David and Richard) for some increasingly multinational play (African, Scottish, Welsh, Swedish, Danish (natch), and English). After many hours of Kubb and the obligatory exchange of national songs, dances and swear words we retired to the pub for drinks with our new friends.

You spin me right round baby, right round
About a month ago I sat down with Andrew and told him of my plans to move back to Cardiff, to do some web-design and to find some cheap accommodation. I figured it was time to make some decisions so that's what I did.

Today all I can say it that God has messed things up. I don't know what I'm going to be doing next year, let alone where. And for now that's all I can say. It's exciting and scary (when isn't following Jesus exciting and scary?) and I feel my sense of adventure coming back!

Going to love You through the pain
I'm trying to be like You
You're the truth I can't deny
Gonna find my peace in You
Gonna love You when it hurts
(and) Put my trust in You
You're everything to me
I give it all to You
(Falling in love with You - Sam Lane)

The houseparty was a lot of fun. Team USA (Steve's ministry team) taught us Ultimate Frisbee, which I managed to corrupt fairly quickly into Ultimate Frisbee Extreme - a full contact version of the original (think Rugby meets Frisbee). No Risk playing took place as it was 11pm before a game could potentially begin and no one was up for 5 hours of world domination.

Steve had some great things to talk about, including how fear-based-thinking holds us back from kingdom risk-taking. As an example he used The Spartans, who trained themselves against fear and had success beyond their numbers when fighting the Persian army.

Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good!
His faithful love endures for ever.
(Psalm 118, The Bible)

This is probably my last post before the weekend. Tomorrow we have a training day with Steve Nicholson, which should be a lot of fun. After that we head to Yeovil en mass for the Bristol Vineyard houseparty.

As you can see I decided to go with a bit of a redesign, which I'm dedicating to a summer of fun...

I initially made the mistake of working on the site while in a fairly melancholic mood and ended up with the title "Being and Nothingness, a guide to pragmatic existentialism."

The design is by no means perfect, but I needed a change, had limited time and couldn't bare to use a McBlogger© template.

The Muffin Man

I'm working on Cutting Edge UK today with Sim of Edge Creative. His regular muffin missions to Maks, the cafe three doors down, has earned him the nickname 'Muffin Man.'

We went to Teohs for a meal last night and for the first time this year caught a taxi. We arrived, alighted from the cab, watched it drive off and I suddenly realised that I had left my coat (inc. house and office keys) in the car.

I called the taxi company on arriving home and the driver happened to be right there next to the phone. "No, no coat left in my car," said the voice at the other end of the line.

I called back this morning and was told that I would need to talk to the night receptionist who works after 7pm.

Doesn't it just make you sick?

To my friends: do any of you use Skype? If so, email me your username.

We're working through a series on Isaiah on Sunday mornings at Bristol Vineyard which is accompanied by these daily readings. Some of the questions which have come up have been very challenging. For example how does the fact that God uses the Assyrians as an axe against Israel and then punishes them for the privilege affect the way in which we understand his character? Is divine justice somehow different to our western liberal brand? How is it possible for wrath and mercy to be accurate characteristics of one being? Why would a God of mercy choose to prevent people from receiving his healing as he does here (and echoed here)?

Tea set politics
Helping out at the mums group on Thursday mornings has given me an interesting insight into how toddlers interact. You can take a group of children who on their own are lovely and, by placing them in the context toy sharing, unleash utter chaos.

Last week there was a dispute over spoons. Megan owns a plastic tea set in which there are four cups, four spoons, four saucers, a sugar bowl and milk jug. Each of the duplicate items are identical. Nevertheless this small group of toddlers was somehow drawn to one of the four spoons over and above all others.

It seems that the fact that someone else wants something gives it value beyond all identical somethings. Could this be one of the principles that we've built an entire economic model on?

Jon Matthias recommends

On Wednesday afternoon I announced to the group that the following Friday the plan was to head for the city centre, give out chocolate and offer prayer for healing. Reactions were varied, but the feeling of nervous excitement and curiosity was shared.

Friday morning came and we had a time of worshipping God, asking Him to equip us for whatever might be ahead. There was a deep sense of his presence, that he was bringing us together as a group, uniting us and preparing us.

The setup involved two chairs with a sign saying "prayer for healing" draped across. We passed out chocolate and flyers in groups of two. The flyers expressed that we believe in a generous God who can heal (etc.)

Curiosity levels were high - people asking what we were doing, gratefully receiving their chocolate. One of the highlights of the afternoon was seeing one man really moved by God as Rowland and Sofia prayed for him right there on the street.

Ian is a complete star and has built an RSS Parser for all the Cardiff Vineyard blogs. For those of you asking "what's one of those?" visit it here.

I'm so glad it's a bank holiday and that the weather is nice. Yesterday was a crazy day - with band in the morning and then a ministry trip with Andrew and the Formettes to St Barnabas Church in Finchley.

On Friday night we watched The Motorcycle Diaries, the story of two friends traveling South America on the back of an old motorbike. The youngest of the duo, Ernesto Guevara (later Che Guevara), is transformed by his experiences as he rubs shoulders with the poor, from leprosy patients to those unjustly ousted from their land. The film draws its viewers to see life through the eyes of young Ernesto and as a result bypasses some of the more 'political' directions that a narrative of this nature could take. The focus is life and its value, rather than the promotion of political ideals.

Now I must get back to the sun...