This summer is beginning to remind me of those of my early-to-mid teens. Being old enough to "look after ones' self" but too young to get a job brought a kind of helpless feeling. This year 'being too young' has been replaced by 'only being available for the next eight weeks.'

While this can, at times, be frustrating I'm sure that God is teaching me stuff that I couldn't learn if everything was 'going to plan.' In my helplessness I'm once again forced into his arms. The whole degree thinghas also brought to light questions of where I find my value. Do I look for affirmation by intellectual means, or do I look to God? Am I trying to satisfy legitimate needs by illegitimate means?

Yesterday I picked up the results for my Law and Politics degree. I got a 2:2, which I was pretty disappointed with at first (having hoped for a 2:1). The reason for my frustration is that I know that, had I chosen to study a subject that I enjoy (as oppose to Law) I would have done much better.

Looking at the breakdown of my results (which my tutor shouldn't really have shown me) I got 2:1s for the modules I enjoyed, but barely revised for, which were the more philosophical ones like 20th Century European Intellectual History. The ones that I did worst at were the hard line Law modules like Trusts and Land Law that I never really wanted to learn.

It sucks knowing that your grade doesn't really reflect your capability, but I guess at least I know for sure that Law really isn't my thing!

There is only one factor that I can put down to me having chosen to study Law and Politics. That is a conversation (aged 17) with Mr Sidoli, one of the RE teachers at my Sixth Form College. He suggested the course because of my interests in subjects like English Literature, Art and Politics. I guess I stuck with it out of sheer stubbornness!

Things have been kind of busy recently.  I'm trying to finish things up here at Cardiff Vineyard before starting a new adventure in Bristol. 

 

I started a Gmail account, but for some reason when I compose a message and click 'send' it does nothing, so I'm looking for another email provider - any suggestions? (I'd rather not go down the ole hotmail route)

 

This week I've been reading two novels, as a light relief from all the intense reading of the last year.  One is The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time by Mark Haddon, which is a murder mystery written from the perspective of a boy with Asperger's Syndrome (mild autism) and is very interesting.  The other is Painted House by John Grisham, which seems pretty good so far - I love the way he writes. 

Last night we returned from the UK Vineyard Worship Leaders' Retreat. It was a great weekend spent looking at the character and role of a worship leader, worshipping God and rediscovering vision.

Andy Park spoke on worship leaders as priests calling people into the reality of the Kingdom. It was fun meeting (and playing frizbee with) Matt Turrigiano, who I'll be working with next year. Matt spoke on living a life worthy of the call to worship.

Good quotes:
"God can only do through you what he has done to you"
"The Worship Leader (capital W, capital L) is the Holy Spirit, we are just the worship leaders (lowercase w, lowercase l), or lead worshippers"

P.O.H.M
Apparently Australians call the British "Poms." This is pretty funny because the word derives from the phrase "Prisoners Of Her Majesty," which surely means we should be calling them Poms, not vice versa! The things you learn in the Guardian...

We went to see Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind last night. It's such an interesting and enjoyable movie. Unlike some films it managest to be abstract and artistic, whilst maintaining a purpose. It has depth and takes you on an exploration into the nature of memory.

"As churches across the country become more mission-oriented, there are many informal discussions around the question of whether the ordained minister should not earn his living in a secular calling and participate as anyone else in the life of the church...but the new shaping of the church's life to the needs of the world is going to call for, not less leadership, but a different kind of leadership.  The church is going to be vastly limited in what it can do, if there are not those who can give all their waking hours to building the structures that will call forth the gifts of the laity and equip them for their ministry as pastors and teachers and healers and prophets."
(Elizabeth O'Connor, Journey Inward, Journey Outward)

Two days in a row this week, while riding along the Taff Trail (a local cycle and walking route) I've received verbal abuse from pedestrians. Both times has centered around their believing that the trail is in fact a footpath and that bikes shouldn't be using it.

I've been using this route for years and have been amazed at these recent reactions - could it be the rising temperatures that are evoking this response?

I quit the detox soon after my last post and have felt much better since. It seems you really have to be in it for the long haul to get beyond the tired, hungry stage and into the energy stage (apparently in week 3).

On Thursday night we had a great housegroup. We looked briefly at Power Evangelism (Week 6) and then spent some time praying for each person individually. We should definately do it more often.

Saturday Zoë and I were working at 'The M Store' with Heidi. It was hot, but we were in pretty good spirits and the day went pretty quickly.

Detox
I agreed to try out a detox that Zoë and my Mum are doing for the next month. It's day 3 and I'm feeling sluggish, tired, and pretty hungary. I've eaten a lot of fruit and brown rice, as well as nuts.

Most of the food is pretty tasty, I'm just not finding it filling. I was doing some digging in our garden yesterday and just didn't seem to have as much energy as usual.

We saw Incubus, perhaps California's finest, at Cardiff International Arena last night. Support came from Hundred Reasons who had apparently only had one song to soundcheck, and it showed.

Incubus must have played for 2 hours or more. We had tracks from all their albums, from SCIENCE through to A Crow Left of the Murder. They even covered Soundgarden's Black Hole Sun. While I knew they were a great band, I hadn't realised quite how talented they are. One of the highlights for me was a ten minute drum session with Ben Kenney (Bass) playing snare and symbols, Brandon Boyd (Vocals) playing three djembes, and Jose Pasillas holding it all together on drums.

For the encore Kenney enters the stage and for five minutes entertains us with bass solos (great harmonics), before being joined by the rest of the band for their finale. This included a breakdown in the middle of 'Certain Shade of Green' in which Chris Kilmore (DJ) scratches over the top of some Led Zeppelin.

All in all a great night.

And life begins
It's over! I had the last exam of my degree this morning. Seems strange considering it's a Saturday morning. It was a pretty tough paper - Comparative Law of Religion - four questions in three hours, but at least everyone else said it was tough.

The studying is over and I am feeling that feeling you get when you stop doing something that has taken up most of your time and you're not quite sure what to do with yourself. hmmm...sleep!

So the final hurdle is in sight. Tomorrow morning at 9am I sit my Comparative Law of Religion exam. Then my degree is over and the summer begins.

Tim emailed me a great word of advice a week or two ago: "Never give up for a second before the very very end." I took it to heart because he got a first for his Biology degree after going AWOL for like four months. I'm not aiming for a first (Law just doesn't interest me enough!) but I want to do as well as I can.

I'm pretty unusual in the student world. I always make sure I've had a good night of sleep before embarking on an exam. Filling my blood stream with Coffee and Pro-Plus, in order that I can stay awake all night, just doesn't appeal.

In our house rubber gloves only seem to last a few washes (of pans) before the right hand starts to leak. I'm guessing this is because I always use my right hand to scrub the pans, while the left hand plays a more supportive role.

Are there any left handed people who read this site? If so, do you find that the left hand glove always wears out first? This would help support my theory...perhaps we should set up a trade agreement - exchanging some of our odd left handed gloves for some right handers!

Journey Inward, Journey Outward by Elizabeth O'Connor

I've just started reading this great book telling some of the story of Church of the Saviour.  Here are some of my favourite quotes so far...

 

On community
"Peace is not the object of Christian fellowship, though we have thought it was and have maintained "good" relationships at the terrible expense of not being real with each other.  When this happens, we forego being a people on a pilgrimage together."

 

On the Outward Journey
"If prayer does not drive us out into some concrete involvement at a point of the world's need, then we must question prayer.  If the community of our Christian brothers does not deliver us from false securities and safe opinions and known ways, then we must cry out against that community, for it betrays."

 

On gifts
Quoting Gordon Cosby
"We are not sent into the world in order to make people good.  We are not sent to encourage them to do their duty.  The reason people have resisted the Gospel is that we have gone out to make people good, to help them do their duty, to impose new burdens on them, rather than calling forth the gift which is the essence of the person himself...They can be what in their deepest hearts they know they were intended to be, they can do what they were meant to do."

 

"We begin," Gordon said, "by exercising our own gifts.  The person who is having the time of his life doing what he is doing has a way of calling forth the deeps of another.  Such a person is Good News.  He is not saying the good news.  He is the Good News."