Last week I had my last session with my Chiropractor. I went because a friend of a friend was about to qualify and needed some volunteers. A few weeks before I had come off my bike and had been left with neck ache.

Six weeks later and my neck is much better, thanks to a bit of deep tissue massage and a little manipluation.

One of the things that most stood out to me about visiting a chiropractor compared with visiting a doctor (GP) is the way they actually listen and investigate problems by looking at the whole person.

Looking for my Dad's blog? It can now be found here.

Well well well, it has been a few days since I blogged. Yesterday I was in Llanelli, a little place near Swansea, visiting my Grandma, who has Alzheimers and my Aunt and Uncle who care for her. It was nice to be in a different context for a little while and to have no choice but to stop, breath and slow down my busy mind.

There are some important questions that have arisen recently that you might be able to help me out with...

1. How does one loosen up someone elses' buttons, should one be asked and/or feel the inclination? As you have probably guessed I'm referring to the Pussy Cat Dolls' latest collaboration with Snoop Dogg. I think it's called "Buttons" and it's getting a lot of airplay on Radio 1 at the moment with it's chorus "I'm tellin' you to loosen up my buttons babe...". I assume that they're perhaps addressing a man who carries sewing box wherever he goes.

on to the second...

2. Why is Dave studying Radiography when he is such a talented cartoonist? Click here to see his work.

There is an interesting and confusing sub-theme to my journey which hasn't yet unveiled itself fully. I think I began following Christ sometime in 1998-1999. I was utterly stoked at this love I had discovered - it blew me away, span me round and left me feeling like I could explode if I didn't express it in some way to everyone I met.

A group of my friends decided to go to Soul Survivor (I'm guessing Summer 1998) and I joined them. Jackie Pullinger was there with a whole bunch of young people (former heroin addicts) from Hong Kong. I listened to their stories about how their lives had been impacted through encountering Jesus and I was invigorated. I think there were 8 seminars with Jackie in the course of the week and I went to them all, drank them up like a refreshing glass of water. The only thing that stopped me from signing up and booking myself onto the next flight to Hong Kong was that I was still in school.

So instead I went home and learned everything I could about the poor. I discovered that The Guardian was the most likely British newspaper to cover anything related to the world's poor as though it was of any importance, so I read that. I realised that I could make a small (tiny) difference by boycotting non-fairtrade chocolate and coffee and encouraging others to do the same.

The more I read the Bible, the more I realised that God really does care about justice and the poor. Isaiah 58 became one of my motivating passages as my heart burned to find out what I was to do.

I finished A-levels and decided that I would study Law and Politics, because this seemed like the most likely avenue for somehow addressing injustice. At law school I realised that the majority of my colleagues were in it for the money (something I just couldn't relate to), and that our primary focus was the high-profile administration of our UK context (e.g. "what is the meaning of the word intent in that small sub section of statute?"

To cut a long story short(er), the furthest I've got along this path to date has been helping out occasionally on a soup run before I left Cardiff, being willing to say yes when asked to get involved in work of this genre, and nothing else. Somewhere along the way my passion and belief that this was one of the motivating goals of my existence has found it's way to the back burner.

"I do hope to see the Church grow musically and artistically. The only danger is when people are doing things that are contrived. I heard one record where they are doing one song country, and the next doing (in their own words) a "nine-inch nails" style worship song. The danger is that they are trying to be something they are not. But it is a tendency that many artists fall into. It is important to do what is in you, and not say, "Oh, I want to write a punk song," or "Let's do a new wave song!" or "I really like the Spice Girls, so let's do a Spice Girls-style worship CD." The problem in our day and age is that the Christian musicians and artists have become followers. Our goal needs to be to worship Jesus in the art forms or musical styles that flow naturally out of us. Then, hopefully we could be innovators and leaders and not followers."
- Michael J Pritzl

I've just finished Reaching Out by Henri Nouwen. I loved Beyond The Mirror, the final essay in the book. In it he reflects on a near death experience that he had after being hit by the wing mirror of a lorry. During the experience he felt the presence of Jesus more powerfully than ever before and a sense of love that blew away all the cobwebs of insecurity and anxiety that marked his (and all) human experience. In the light of this love he became aware of the meaning of being "of the world," as opposed to being "from above."

Being "of the world" means that I look to the world for affirmation, security, identity. Precisely because I need the world to provide these I cannot freely love. I'm bound by my need for others to recognise me.

Being "from above" means that I do not look to the world for my security. I find my affirmation, security and identity in God and his unconditional love. Because off this I can really love because I don't need others to tell me who I am.

"...the whole ministry of Jesus was a ministry 'from above', a ministry born out of relationship with the Father in Heaven. All the questions Jesus raised, all the answers he gave, all the confrontations he evoked and consolations he offered, all were rooted in his knowledge of the Father's unconditional love. his ministry was not oppressive, since it came from his deep experience of being unconditionally loved and and was in no way motivated by a personal need for affirmation and acceptance. He was completely free precisely because he did not belong to the world, but exclusively to the Father."

Nouwen is also surprised at his friends' reactions to the news that he had survived surgery:
"Unanimously, they congratulated me on my restoration to health and expressed their gratitude that I was doing so well again. Although I was deeply greatful for their attention and affection, the encounter with God in my hours near death made me wonder whether being 'better again' was indeed the best thing for me...Would it not have been preferable to have been completely set free from this ambiguous world and taken home in full communion with God?"

Months after surviving this ordeal he was confronted by friends who pointed out that:
"When you were ill, you were centred, and the many people who visited you felt a real peace coming from you, but since you are healed and have taken on your many tasks again, much of your old restlessness and anxiety has reappeared."

He finally reflects that it is necessary to continually expose ourselves to this love (or as much as we can of this love while we're here) in order that we don't lose sight of it.

Take a look at Boring Malmö, that wonderful city where I once lived (and hopefully will again). (Tack till The Bruhn Family)

Being an extrovert has its drawbacks. I get my energy from being around people. At the moment life is pretty isolated, which means not a lot of people, which means not a lot of energy. While starting this company I'm working alone, day in, day out.

Something has to change...

Saying goodbye to friends is so painful to do. I remember reading A Purpose Driven Life, in which Rick Warren alludes to the fact that this is because we are "made to last forever." He says:

"This life is not all there is.
Life on earth is just the dress rehersal before the real production. You will spend far more time on the other side of death-in eternity- than you will here. Earth is the staging area, the preschool, the tryout for your life in eternity...
The Bible says, "God has...planted eternity in the human heart" [Ecclesiastes 3:11]...
When you fully comprehend that there is more to life than just here and now, and you realize that life is just preparation for eternity, you will begin to live differently. You will start living in light of eternity, and that will color how you handle every relationship, task and circumstance."

Perhaps the reason saying goodbye is so hard is that relationships are supposed to last. We were made to give of ourselves to others and for our friendships to be marked by an ongoing commitment. It is this kind of commitment which allows us to transcend superficiality precisely because conflicts do not mean the risk of losing the other.

Swimming at a lifeguard-less beach on a hot and sunny day was just what I needed yesterday. The sea was warm and the sand clean. The place was Rhossili, which is apparently too far out for most peoples' Saturday afternoon recreation.

On Monday we took Oscar to the Vet because he had been coughing badly and we thought he may have kennel cough. The Vet examined him and found a large growth in his abdomen. The next day he had an x-ray to discover if it had spread to his chest. It hadn't, so they did a biopsy to find out if the mass could be removed. It can't, and the vet has given him just a few months to live.

On the same note, in his book 31 Songs, Nick Hornby argues that the songs that are truly the greatest of your life do not bring back one particular memory. Because if a song has really become part of you then you have listened to it so often that it is not tied to one specific event.

This seems to make sense, but then the very first song from Recovering the Satellites that I heard was Angels of the Silences, and I remember, when it began playing, a 14 year old Chris and a 14 year old Helen jumping around the bedroom of her house in Penarth.

There are some albums that just grab you and won't let go. I'm talking the albums that you can listen to over and over without getting bored, the ones that you know every lyric, intro, instrumental break and guitar solo. No matter how many other cds you own you will never treasure them as much as these.

It's one of these that I'm listening to as I write. There are few cds that resonate with me in the way Recovering the Satellites by Counting Crows does. It somehow captures everything I could possibly want to say while remaining wholly "other." At the same time I both fully relate to the lyrics and yet completely fail to grasp them.

I was reflecting earlier on the number of people that have passed through my life since I first heard this CD. At the time I didn't quite appreciate that I'd be sat listening to this when they were long gone. Music is funny like that, a great song can somehow say exactly what you want to say better than you could ever say it. A great song, or in this case a great collection of songs (in my opinion so great that they belong side-by-side), can be a great comrade in the midst of lifes ups and downs, tos and fros.

Goodnight Elisabeth, whoever you may be...

Chris at Roskilde
I knew Chris was going to Roskilde, but I didn't expect that he'd make it into Swedish paper Dagens Nyheter (Daily News). Apparently his fish-catching antics caught the attention of a passing journalist! If you speak Swedish, find it here. (click on image to enlarge) Also click here for a slideshow - the voice saying "no more falafel for me" is Chris.

When, as a child, you are asked, "what do you want to be when you grow up?" You pick an occupation out of the air and tell the person who asks with little or no hesitation. Your assumption is that you can be anything you want to be. At the age of say 4 or 5 knowing this is nothing but fun, "I can and will be anything I want to be."

It's not until you get a little older that this is becomes pretty scary. If you once knew yourself and what you were made for, you have certainly lost that knowledge in the midst of the storms of life. You condescend to your old self, "I was naive, I didn't take into account the full picture of what being _______ would actually involve, I didn't really know myself..." You realise that perhaps you can do anything, but you no longer have that all encompassing parental provider to assert confidence upon you. You've discovered their fallibility, their finiteness, and you can no longer look to them as the source of all confidence.

While anything is possible, we only have a limited time. We are not blessed with the infinities of time to discover ourselves in a myriad of situations. It is into this poverty that the young and idealistic often lose the energy that propels them into an existence that affects those around them. They plug in to the system, at first to 'make-ends-meet,' but before long they are trapped by the fears of being uncomfortable, of not having 'enough.' That which once helped them live has become their only definition of life.

I don't believe for a minute that we have to settle into this slump, find our lives defined by our 'favourite programs,' or what phone we have, but I am now far closer to seeing how this happens.

Engagement
Congratulations to Ian and Viv, who have apparently got themselves engaged while holidaying in Mull.

I had the radio on while I was making some food earlier and one verse stood out in amongst the songs that were being played:

When our time is up,
When our lives are done,
When we say we've had our fun,
Will we make our mark this time?
Will we always say we tried?

(Rooftops by Lost Prophets)

It's nice to be in the middle of a heatwave, but a shame I'm inside catching up on work. I might have to venture out into my outdoor office later (with a sun umbrella and brightness on full I can manage to work from the garden).

We visited a friend's church this morning and there was a presentation about a pregnancy crisis centre. I was horrified to learn that in the UK it is legal to terminate the life of a severely handicapped baby up until full term (that is any time in the 9 months of pregnancy). "Severely handicapped" is apparently determined by the doctor, but some babies have been aborted because they had cleft palettes.

(It is usually only legal to abort a foetus within the first 24 weeks, although there is talk of shortening this).