Sneaky Sneaky
Guess where I've been? I snuck over to Malmö for a week to hang out with some friends and explore the possibility of moving back.

Unfortunately my camera refused to work while I was there, so I have no photographic evidence. I also got a head-cold after a couple of days, so had to tone down the partying and avoid the Kallbadhuset (where you sit in a sauna and then walk out and jump into the sea, naked.)

Highlights of the trip include talking music, community, life and faith until the early hours, trying to convince Peter to sing "Love is all around" (by Wet Wet Wet) to Ellen at their wedding, while wearing a white suit, hat and two-tone shoes, and hearing some of Niklas' new songs...

Doesn't life move fast?! It was Zoe's 22nd birthday yesterday, which signals both the passing of time and the closing of summer. We had a nice, though slightly stunted day (thanks to the fitting of new windows in our house), which ended with a meal at an organic restaurant in the countryside.

I'm beginning to realise how crucial it is to close your ears to The Voice which creeps up and whispers into your ear "you're getting older, life is moving on, you're missing opportunities..." It's a voice that speaks no matter what age you might be.

If you're single, and dream someday of being married, it often whispers "you're not married, you'd better get a move on, everyone else is with someone and you're going to miss your chance" (if you're female you might also have the biological clock voice chiming in).

If you are a person with great hopes and dreams and you find yourself in a quiet spot The Voice will whisper "you were just ideological, get over yourself, this is life, nothing more..."

But a little secret I've learned is that The Voice isn't always right. In fact The Voice is just there to quash the tangibility of your dreams. The Voice has had its victims, but you can choose if you will join them.

Life is a journey that unfolds before our eyes. It is a story to which a little more is added each day. It is unpredictable, and often surprising. It is an adventure. The nature of adventure is that we don't know how it will turn out and we don't know what will come to pass along the way. You have not arrived, because you are still traveling, which means there is still hope. Don't become a victim of The Voice.

Congratulations are in order...
Joseph George Lewis-Norman was born today at 16:01 weighing in at 8 pounds, 9 and a half ounces! Well Done Steve and Claire!

Phew...another one down. Things have been busy with work recently, which has kept me from finishing my business website - www.lookscankill.org - needless to say it will come. Want to check out some of my work?

Well today, amid the chaos of the windows of our house being replaced, I finished www.via-vineyard.com - a new website for the Form discipleship course which is in the process of being rebranded as 'Via' for it's Vineyard incarnation.

Here are some more I've designed recently:
www.keithwarrington.co.uk
malmo.vineyard.se
sofiacarlbert.blogspot.com

So if you like these, and you need a website designing, email me using:
hello at lookscankill dot org

Tomorrow the four of us jump in the car and head to Northampton for my cousin Esther's wedding, which should be a lot of fun. Sadly Reading Festival is sold out so there will be no dropping by to hear Pearl Jam on the way home :-(

Loneliness (part 3)
I read this this morning and it seemed to fit in so well with my short series of posts on Loneliness as a human condition that I thought I would post it...
"There is a deep hole in your being, like an abyss. You will never succeed in filling that hole, because your needs are inexhaustible. You have to work around it so that gradually the abyss closes.
Since the hole is so enormous and your anguish so deep, you will always be tempted to flee from it. There are two extremes to avoid: being completely absorbed in your pain and being distracted by so many things that you stay far away from the wound you want to heal."
- Henri Nouwen, The Inner Voice of Love (p3)

Muriel Fields, or Aunty Mu, as she was known, died a little over a week ago. She was a lovely woman, full of warmth and love. She often took care of me, aged 11, when I was going through a series of tests, and later operations, for the great pain I was feeling in my head. I learned a lot about pain from this wonderful lady. I remember hearing about the crippling pain she experienced because of the arthritis in her hands. She told me of her late husband, a great friend dearly missed.

Even at that young age I was fully aware that my pain made me selfish. I longed for sympathy, if not empathy. Whoever had ears to listen would hear about the injustice of my pain. As I looked into those joyful, loving eyes of Aunty Mu I saw someone who knew about battling pain, and yet seemed to have more compassion and love for others than anyone else I knew.

I was just reading this post regarding compatibility for marriage (no idea why!?), and I was surprised by the list they come up with. For me these would all be prerequisites for 'going out with' somebody, not just marriage...

Loneliness (part 2)
Sunday afternoon we were walking in the grounds of Llandaff Cathederal. It was a lovely, sunny afternoon and I stopped to read some of the gravestones. One in particular caught my attention. It was the shared grave of a husband and wife. The husband had died aged 65 and the wife aged 92.

I began reflecting on the power of that connection between man and wife, certain that this woman had lived out her days in mourning at the premature death of her true love. I imagined that this couple had been married in their mid twenties and had had forty happy years together before he died. Those forty years weren't even half her lifetime. On that day they took their vows had she imagined that this would lead to so much heartache?

Loneliness (part 1)
"Though I may think it is peculiar to myself, loneliness is part of the human condition. To remind me of that and for sharing I carry this quote around in my wallet:

According to the Teachers, there is only one thing that all people possess equally. That is loneliness. No two people on the face of this earth are alike in any one thing except for their loneliness. This is the cause of our growing, but it is also the cause of our wars. Love, hate, greed and generosity are all rooted within our loneliness, within our desire to be needed and loved.

If we could dare to face and accept the fact that we are alone, then we would know that every other person is also alone. It does not matter how surrounded the other is by friends and family. She, too, is alone. If we could know with certainty that well-guarded secret, perhaps we could move towards the other with more compassion, be less ready to judge, less quick to do those things which will cause the other to withdraw from us. yet loneliness is the secret we keep from ourselves as well as from others. It is as though some shame were connected with it - if I am not loved, I must somehow be responsible for it."
- Elizabeth O'Connor, Cry Pain, Cry Hope (p54)

This picture (by Emma) basically sums up what my summer looks like at the moment. It makes me feel like the subject of a painting by Dali (though fortunately without the phallic reference points).

Click on the image for an enlargement.

When I was younger I had this urge to move to a colder climate. I think I must have been somewhere between 7 and 12 years old when the place that I most wanted to be was Canada, or at least the Canada that existed in my imagination. It was something about living in a log cabin, in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by snow and breathtaking scenery.

This came back to me last night when reflecting on my winter in Sweden - the coldest I've ever experienced. It was great to be somewhere with real snow, but also a challenge experiencing cold that chilled to the bone. And that was just the South of Sweden!

Hannah rules the World!
I woke up this morning dreaming that I was having an interview for a job at Paul Frank. It was kind of like a cross between Paul Frank, Starbucks and a record store, because they would show you a 'real life scene' and you had to identify what range of t-shirts it referred to and what music suited the scene, all the while drinking whatever coffee you wanted.

The first scene was a dog sat on an easychair, on a pier, under a bright blue sky, with jazz music playing and the hooting sound of ships cruising by in the background. I was told, "the dog's name is Hannah and she's deaf, so she can only just make out the music." I looked at the t-shirt crib sheet and found a series called "Hannah rules the World."

After giving my answer I was asked to select a new track and the dog took us to a new location for me to identify a different scene.

Then I woke up.

Last week I had my last session with my Chiropractor. I went because a friend of a friend was about to qualify and needed some volunteers. A few weeks before I had come off my bike and had been left with neck ache.

Six weeks later and my neck is much better, thanks to a bit of deep tissue massage and a little manipluation.

One of the things that most stood out to me about visiting a chiropractor compared with visiting a doctor (GP) is the way they actually listen and investigate problems by looking at the whole person.

Looking for my Dad's blog? It can now be found here.

Well well well, it has been a few days since I blogged. Yesterday I was in Llanelli, a little place near Swansea, visiting my Grandma, who has Alzheimers and my Aunt and Uncle who care for her. It was nice to be in a different context for a little while and to have no choice but to stop, breath and slow down my busy mind.

There are some important questions that have arisen recently that you might be able to help me out with...

1. How does one loosen up someone elses' buttons, should one be asked and/or feel the inclination? As you have probably guessed I'm referring to the Pussy Cat Dolls' latest collaboration with Snoop Dogg. I think it's called "Buttons" and it's getting a lot of airplay on Radio 1 at the moment with it's chorus "I'm tellin' you to loosen up my buttons babe...". I assume that they're perhaps addressing a man who carries sewing box wherever he goes.

on to the second...

2. Why is Dave studying Radiography when he is such a talented cartoonist? Click here to see his work.

There is an interesting and confusing sub-theme to my journey which hasn't yet unveiled itself fully. I think I began following Christ sometime in 1998-1999. I was utterly stoked at this love I had discovered - it blew me away, span me round and left me feeling like I could explode if I didn't express it in some way to everyone I met.

A group of my friends decided to go to Soul Survivor (I'm guessing Summer 1998) and I joined them. Jackie Pullinger was there with a whole bunch of young people (former heroin addicts) from Hong Kong. I listened to their stories about how their lives had been impacted through encountering Jesus and I was invigorated. I think there were 8 seminars with Jackie in the course of the week and I went to them all, drank them up like a refreshing glass of water. The only thing that stopped me from signing up and booking myself onto the next flight to Hong Kong was that I was still in school.

So instead I went home and learned everything I could about the poor. I discovered that The Guardian was the most likely British newspaper to cover anything related to the world's poor as though it was of any importance, so I read that. I realised that I could make a small (tiny) difference by boycotting non-fairtrade chocolate and coffee and encouraging others to do the same.

The more I read the Bible, the more I realised that God really does care about justice and the poor. Isaiah 58 became one of my motivating passages as my heart burned to find out what I was to do.

I finished A-levels and decided that I would study Law and Politics, because this seemed like the most likely avenue for somehow addressing injustice. At law school I realised that the majority of my colleagues were in it for the money (something I just couldn't relate to), and that our primary focus was the high-profile administration of our UK context (e.g. "what is the meaning of the word intent in that small sub section of statute?"

To cut a long story short(er), the furthest I've got along this path to date has been helping out occasionally on a soup run before I left Cardiff, being willing to say yes when asked to get involved in work of this genre, and nothing else. Somewhere along the way my passion and belief that this was one of the motivating goals of my existence has found it's way to the back burner.

"I do hope to see the Church grow musically and artistically. The only danger is when people are doing things that are contrived. I heard one record where they are doing one song country, and the next doing (in their own words) a "nine-inch nails" style worship song. The danger is that they are trying to be something they are not. But it is a tendency that many artists fall into. It is important to do what is in you, and not say, "Oh, I want to write a punk song," or "Let's do a new wave song!" or "I really like the Spice Girls, so let's do a Spice Girls-style worship CD." The problem in our day and age is that the Christian musicians and artists have become followers. Our goal needs to be to worship Jesus in the art forms or musical styles that flow naturally out of us. Then, hopefully we could be innovators and leaders and not followers."
- Michael J Pritzl

I've just finished Reaching Out by Henri Nouwen. I loved Beyond The Mirror, the final essay in the book. In it he reflects on a near death experience that he had after being hit by the wing mirror of a lorry. During the experience he felt the presence of Jesus more powerfully than ever before and a sense of love that blew away all the cobwebs of insecurity and anxiety that marked his (and all) human experience. In the light of this love he became aware of the meaning of being "of the world," as opposed to being "from above."

Being "of the world" means that I look to the world for affirmation, security, identity. Precisely because I need the world to provide these I cannot freely love. I'm bound by my need for others to recognise me.

Being "from above" means that I do not look to the world for my security. I find my affirmation, security and identity in God and his unconditional love. Because off this I can really love because I don't need others to tell me who I am.

"...the whole ministry of Jesus was a ministry 'from above', a ministry born out of relationship with the Father in Heaven. All the questions Jesus raised, all the answers he gave, all the confrontations he evoked and consolations he offered, all were rooted in his knowledge of the Father's unconditional love. his ministry was not oppressive, since it came from his deep experience of being unconditionally loved and and was in no way motivated by a personal need for affirmation and acceptance. He was completely free precisely because he did not belong to the world, but exclusively to the Father."

Nouwen is also surprised at his friends' reactions to the news that he had survived surgery:
"Unanimously, they congratulated me on my restoration to health and expressed their gratitude that I was doing so well again. Although I was deeply greatful for their attention and affection, the encounter with God in my hours near death made me wonder whether being 'better again' was indeed the best thing for me...Would it not have been preferable to have been completely set free from this ambiguous world and taken home in full communion with God?"

Months after surviving this ordeal he was confronted by friends who pointed out that:
"When you were ill, you were centred, and the many people who visited you felt a real peace coming from you, but since you are healed and have taken on your many tasks again, much of your old restlessness and anxiety has reappeared."

He finally reflects that it is necessary to continually expose ourselves to this love (or as much as we can of this love while we're here) in order that we don't lose sight of it.

Take a look at Boring Malmö, that wonderful city where I once lived (and hopefully will again). (Tack till The Bruhn Family)

Being an extrovert has its drawbacks. I get my energy from being around people. At the moment life is pretty isolated, which means not a lot of people, which means not a lot of energy. While starting this company I'm working alone, day in, day out.

Something has to change...

Saying goodbye to friends is so painful to do. I remember reading A Purpose Driven Life, in which Rick Warren alludes to the fact that this is because we are "made to last forever." He says:

"This life is not all there is.
Life on earth is just the dress rehersal before the real production. You will spend far more time on the other side of death-in eternity- than you will here. Earth is the staging area, the preschool, the tryout for your life in eternity...
The Bible says, "God has...planted eternity in the human heart" [Ecclesiastes 3:11]...
When you fully comprehend that there is more to life than just here and now, and you realize that life is just preparation for eternity, you will begin to live differently. You will start living in light of eternity, and that will color how you handle every relationship, task and circumstance."

Perhaps the reason saying goodbye is so hard is that relationships are supposed to last. We were made to give of ourselves to others and for our friendships to be marked by an ongoing commitment. It is this kind of commitment which allows us to transcend superficiality precisely because conflicts do not mean the risk of losing the other.

Swimming at a lifeguard-less beach on a hot and sunny day was just what I needed yesterday. The sea was warm and the sand clean. The place was Rhossili, which is apparently too far out for most peoples' Saturday afternoon recreation.

On Monday we took Oscar to the Vet because he had been coughing badly and we thought he may have kennel cough. The Vet examined him and found a large growth in his abdomen. The next day he had an x-ray to discover if it had spread to his chest. It hadn't, so they did a biopsy to find out if the mass could be removed. It can't, and the vet has given him just a few months to live.

On the same note, in his book 31 Songs, Nick Hornby argues that the songs that are truly the greatest of your life do not bring back one particular memory. Because if a song has really become part of you then you have listened to it so often that it is not tied to one specific event.

This seems to make sense, but then the very first song from Recovering the Satellites that I heard was Angels of the Silences, and I remember, when it began playing, a 14 year old Chris and a 14 year old Helen jumping around the bedroom of her house in Penarth.

There are some albums that just grab you and won't let go. I'm talking the albums that you can listen to over and over without getting bored, the ones that you know every lyric, intro, instrumental break and guitar solo. No matter how many other cds you own you will never treasure them as much as these.

It's one of these that I'm listening to as I write. There are few cds that resonate with me in the way Recovering the Satellites by Counting Crows does. It somehow captures everything I could possibly want to say while remaining wholly "other." At the same time I both fully relate to the lyrics and yet completely fail to grasp them.

I was reflecting earlier on the number of people that have passed through my life since I first heard this CD. At the time I didn't quite appreciate that I'd be sat listening to this when they were long gone. Music is funny like that, a great song can somehow say exactly what you want to say better than you could ever say it. A great song, or in this case a great collection of songs (in my opinion so great that they belong side-by-side), can be a great comrade in the midst of lifes ups and downs, tos and fros.

Goodnight Elisabeth, whoever you may be...

Chris at Roskilde
I knew Chris was going to Roskilde, but I didn't expect that he'd make it into Swedish paper Dagens Nyheter (Daily News). Apparently his fish-catching antics caught the attention of a passing journalist! If you speak Swedish, find it here. (click on image to enlarge) Also click here for a slideshow - the voice saying "no more falafel for me" is Chris.

When, as a child, you are asked, "what do you want to be when you grow up?" You pick an occupation out of the air and tell the person who asks with little or no hesitation. Your assumption is that you can be anything you want to be. At the age of say 4 or 5 knowing this is nothing but fun, "I can and will be anything I want to be."

It's not until you get a little older that this is becomes pretty scary. If you once knew yourself and what you were made for, you have certainly lost that knowledge in the midst of the storms of life. You condescend to your old self, "I was naive, I didn't take into account the full picture of what being _______ would actually involve, I didn't really know myself..." You realise that perhaps you can do anything, but you no longer have that all encompassing parental provider to assert confidence upon you. You've discovered their fallibility, their finiteness, and you can no longer look to them as the source of all confidence.

While anything is possible, we only have a limited time. We are not blessed with the infinities of time to discover ourselves in a myriad of situations. It is into this poverty that the young and idealistic often lose the energy that propels them into an existence that affects those around them. They plug in to the system, at first to 'make-ends-meet,' but before long they are trapped by the fears of being uncomfortable, of not having 'enough.' That which once helped them live has become their only definition of life.

I don't believe for a minute that we have to settle into this slump, find our lives defined by our 'favourite programs,' or what phone we have, but I am now far closer to seeing how this happens.

Engagement
Congratulations to Ian and Viv, who have apparently got themselves engaged while holidaying in Mull.

I had the radio on while I was making some food earlier and one verse stood out in amongst the songs that were being played:

When our time is up,
When our lives are done,
When we say we've had our fun,
Will we make our mark this time?
Will we always say we tried?

(Rooftops by Lost Prophets)

It's nice to be in the middle of a heatwave, but a shame I'm inside catching up on work. I might have to venture out into my outdoor office later (with a sun umbrella and brightness on full I can manage to work from the garden).

We visited a friend's church this morning and there was a presentation about a pregnancy crisis centre. I was horrified to learn that in the UK it is legal to terminate the life of a severely handicapped baby up until full term (that is any time in the 9 months of pregnancy). "Severely handicapped" is apparently determined by the doctor, but some babies have been aborted because they had cleft palettes.

(It is usually only legal to abort a foetus within the first 24 weeks, although there is talk of shortening this).

I have Emma and Dave here at the moment, which is great. Yesterday we were sat on the beach in Penarth eating fairly traded chocolate and ring doughnuts and watching some crazy guy swim with his dog. The sun was hot and as we looked ahead we noticed that it was hard to tell where the sea ended and the sky began.

Over the weekend I tweaked my myspace a little. Take a look at it here. I hear it's all about self promotion, so this theme should fit in nicely.

Andreas called me on Tuesday afternoon to tell me that James is dead. I just can't believe it. I haven't know him very long, but it felt like we had grown close since I arrived in Malmö. Since I first met him he's been a great encouragement, always pointing out the positives that I was too close to see, or offering to help when there were communication issues, or just showing up when no one else was around. I spent most of a quiet Easter with James and it was such a blessing to be with someone with whom I could share the ups and downs of life and the hopes of the future.

And now he has gone. And I feel poor at the loss of such a dear friend. I feel helpless. I feel nauseated. But I trust that he is in the hands of one who loves him without condition.

Mini Tipping
I went to sleep pretty early on Saturday night but woke around midnight to the sound of my Mum calling "Jonathan, come and see the car." My first thought was that I was having a strange dream, but I got up and went outside.

I found most of my neighbours congregated around Dave's mini (which I'm 'looking after' for him while he's in Sweden), which was on its side. It turns out that, in the absence of sheep, the children of Llandaff North have taken to mini-tipping.

The police came and then the fire brigade (the fuel was leaking out), and the mini was returned to his usual orientation with barely a scratch to show for it...

Hello. How are you? (he says cunningly referring his last blog post...)

The cutest song of my week so far has to be The Sharing Song by Jack Johnson, from the Curious George soundtrack. As his albums go, it definately marks a move to more complex musical arrangement, but is no less chilled out. It's also fun hearing him do kids songs.

We found some more waterfalls in wonderful Brecon the other day. When we arrived at the information centre and I asked the lady about the 7 waterfall walk, she told us it would take 5 hours but refused to comment on the feasibility of this for people unaccustomed to long walks. We got our shoes on and then went back. This time Zoe spoke to her and she gave us the insider tips. We went for the two and a half hour walk, which turned to five and a half with lots of stops and getting lost. The best part was walking behind a waterfall and dipping my head in.

Netiquette
While blogging I often imagine a set of unspoken rules. One of these is the rule that if you don't blog for a fortnight, or even a month, it would be rude to start blogging again as though you never stopped. If I leave a long gap, I often feel obliged to explain myself, or at least to offer some kind of introduction, which as a daily blogger I would never feel necessary.

I think in some way this is a transplantation of the etiquette of real life onto the world wide web. For example you see someone you haven't caught up with for two weeks, or even a month, and the first thing you ask is "how are you?" If you raced into a "well I was at the supermarket the other day and..." kind of monologue you're somehow infringing on them. You're assuming familiarity where familiarity hasn't been earned, or at least where your familiarity 'credit' hasn't been 'topped up.'

Or perhaps it's just me...

I wish that the Internet Explorer Tab or even IE View Lite for Firefox worked on the Mac Operating System. It would make designing websites much easier.

Ouch (pt 2)
This morning I drove Zoe and my mum to the train station. They were on their way to Bath. I stopped at the traffic lights and there was one car in front of us. The lights were red. One moment later the lights were still red and the car began reversing towards us. She paused briefly and then continued reversing into our car. Calling it a 'car crash' would certainly be overstating it, but it wasn't fun.

Ouch
The switchbacks is one of my favourite trails, but this morning wasn't my morning. There's this section where you change directions by 180 degrees on a turning which is fairly steep, wide and full of loose, jagged rocks. As you fall you see everything in slow motion, first thought, "bummer, I messed it up," then, "this is going to hurt for the next two weeks."

Well it's the end of another week and a pretty ok one at that. I've seen friends, enjoyed designing and have just got back from a tax workshop that was for less painful than I imagined (partly due to it finishing after 2 hours instead of the 3 and a half that were billed). Why no blogging? Well right now things that I could blog about are either not blog material, or boring.

For example, who wants to know about my recent training regime, or what the weather is like? (It's nice by the way...) Anyways I'm sure there are some thoughts brewing...just give me time.

Sorry, no epiphanies.

The iPod is an icon of the postmodern age - sleek, sophisticated and immensely disposable. I was reading this article in The Guardian and remembered the many people (eg) I've heard of whose iPods have given up the ghost. A cynic would argue that Apple planned it that way to ensure it would be a continued money making venture, but a life of 1 year is surely less than most purchasers of these glorified hard discs expect?

I haven't yet succumbed to the iPod bug, but would certainly consider shopping else where if they don't improve their track record. Our market is set up so that media image is everything, and I believe that if we put pressure on Apple to make a product which promises longevity and not just temporary cool, that's what we'll get.

So if you find yourself with a Bad Apple I suggest you email the guy who wrote the Guardian article. Or you could try this.

Let's make iPods reliable.

Return of the Mac
Yesterday I got the call that my iBook was ready to be collected. It was the hard disc that needed replacing and when I drove down to pick it up I had no idea if any of my data would have been recoverable. I was relieved to find out that all the work, programs, music and photos that I had saved on there had been rescued! Needless to say, an external hard disc is at the top of my list of future purchases...

Living without it for a while has been a good experience as I've discovered some better ways of working. I've decided that Bloglines, the online news aggregator, is better for managing my RSS feeds than Thunderbird, the email client I had been using. I also found out that Gmail now offers a Notifier for the Mac which sits on your desktop and tells you when you have mail. Gmail is also making me happy with masses of storage, emails arranged in conversations (and fully searchable) and the ability to use other, non-Gmail addresses.

I'm thinking that Google should start an ad campaign based on the Carlsberg ads - "if Google made..."

My blog template up until today was a mish-mash of tables, a bit of CSS here and there, individually formatted tags. It really wasn't coherent.

So my challenge, when I've had time over the past week, has been to clean up my code without really affecting the look of the site too much. It wasn't until this was done that I changed the header and some text formatting here and there.

So here it is, my blog, changed not just in appearance, but deep down inside.

This explains the silence since my last post.

Last night I went to the launch party of Julia's new album. She played really well and it was great to hear some of her more recent material (last time I heard her must have been 3 years ago). The party was held at an old fabric storage warehouse that has been converted into an art space (they basically just painted it white). click here to visit Julia's website...

In search of...
Yesterday we loaded up the car and went in search of waterfalls in the Neath Valley. It was great to be out of the city, and to hear the sound of rushing water and birds singing without the usual background hum of traffic. My favourite was Henrhyd Falls, which we were able to walk behind.

This morning I checked out a trail I hadn't ridden in ages that is now far clearer than I remember it.

Music-wise I'm currently loving Headphones and Sigur Ros. I've just started reading Pride and Prejudice, which I've been meaning to do for a long time, but somehow kept putting it to the bottom of the pile. Austin's manages to paint a wonderful picture of characters who are at the same time both pretentious and lovable.

Today I feel like taking a Fika (going for coffee) at Zenit. Kladdkaka made with organically sourced ingredients and served with delicious vanilla icecream. With a mug of fairtrade coffee and some good company. mmmmm.

Too bad I'm not in Malmo.

If you're in Malmo tonight you should definately get down to Pa Besok to hear some of this.

For Sale
2 x Technics 1200 Turntables (inc. Flightcases)
1 x Vestax PMC-03A (well used beginners) mixer
2 x Ortofon Concorde Pro S cartridges

I'm thinking of selling the Decks, Flightcases and mixer for £500
And the cartridges (which were originally £49.99 each) for around £50 (ONO)

Anyone interested? (photos to follow)

Those of you who know me will know that since I returned to the UK most of my activities have centred around ensuring that my business is running,smoothly and building a strong portfolio.

Yesterday morning my iBook decided it didn't want to start up. I tinkered for a few hours, following the suggestions of Apple Support, but still no startup.

This morning I took it into the local Apple Dealer and their Engineer will fix it. WITHIN 10-15 WORKING DAYS!

Dave has just started blogging and is already making friends.

As Emma pointed out to me the other day, this site really is ready for a redesign. The snow has melted even in Sweden (at least Skåne).

This morning I rode along the banks of the River Taff and stopped to watch the water glisten over the top of the stones. It could have been mistaken for the middle of summer, birds singing, the sound of the river flowing, a light wind through the trees.

When I was younger my approach to mountain biking had to do with speed and danger. These days, while I still love riding a fast, technical trail I also enjoy stopping to take in the surroundings.

My friends on MySpace
Bea
Niklas
Chris (and)
Peter
'toffer
Mark and Jon

I've been to the Ernesto Neto installation at Malmö's Konsthall twice in the past fortnight. It's so much fun watching a bunch of rather serious looking Swedish people walk into the huge interior of this imaginary being and relax into playful, fun individuals. The link above will give you an impression of what it's like, but I'll post some photos when I get the chance.

Here and here is Carl with some great stories...

Happy Easter/Glad Påsk

Just when everyone is getting together with their families for the Easter weekend I'm packing mine onto a train headed for Copenhagen Airport.

Apologies to all my friends who study music and take the "rhythm" or "movement" class, but when I see you dance it reminds me of this...

Believe it or not, I woke this morning to the sound of a cockrel announcing that morning had broken (or at least was about to break). I looked at my phone, which read 05:48, and determined (for about half an hour) that I would go back to sleep. During that half hour (during which time the beloved cockrel never let up) I got to thinking that my parents would arrive in Malmö in a matter of hours. The excitement, coupled with the fact that there were things to be done in preparation, stole all hopes of returning to my slumber.

The Beastie Boys were guests on the Zane Lowe show on Radio 1 a few weeks ago when they were in Texas. While being interviewed they gave a heads up to a band called Measles Mumps Rubella, who have some pretty nice mp3s on their website. In the same vein as !!! but more punky.

It's true that a watched pot never boils. At an average rate of 0.44mm per day it's going to be at least six months before my hair is this long.

Right now it's hard to tell what my new style will be, but I'm hoping for an afro like Dave.

Spring seems to be here. I've been finding myself overdressed as I venture out of our apartment building, which is such a nice feeling.

Mark was here for the weekend, which was a lot of fun. When people asked us what we had been up to the main thing we could think of was that we'd been eating a lot.

Yesterday I was getting really frustrated with one section of PHP code that I just couldn't get to the bottom of. So I turned off the computer, enjoyed a relaxing evening, then came back to it this morning and figured it out within 1 hour.

My Mum and Dad are visiting the week before Easter, which should be a lot of fun, especially with the weather apparently improving.

I just committed falafel
While the joy of falafel really can't be confined to just one day, for me it seems to be becoming a Sunday thing.

Levelling the playing field?
I was interested to read this morning that Isaac Hayes has quit Southpark because of it's insensitivity to "personal spiritual beliefs." It's interesting that he should make this comment now after working on the show, which consistently parodies world religions, since 1997.

The move was taken in response to an episode which openly mocked the Church of Scientology, to which Hayes belongs.

One thing that struck me in the midst of this debate, which seems to echo in some way the Danish Muhammad Incident, is that there may be a certain levelling going on. No longer is it merely the "religion of Christianity" that is ok to mock, but any religion. Though I'd be careful about criticising the religion of western liberalism (you know, the one that says that I (i.e. the individual) is God) because it has so many members and certainly the most powerful weapons at its disposal.

BTW. If you're really into sci-fi, believe that anything goes, and looking for a religion then I'd certainly recommend Scientology and it's rather fruity doctrines.

Read more on the Southpark story here...

Now I know for sure that I'm not going to volunteer for medical testing, however lucratively it may pay. This week I've been pretty homesick - missing friends, family, former communities of faith, momentum and the Toucan Club. Last night's housegroup was such a blessing - I'm very encouraged to have such a good group of friends who are there for me even when I'm less than cheerful.

It's been great learning more about Flash and catching up with the episodes of Lost that I've missed since being here.

Tonight we head to Johan's Church, where (apparently) the husband of Cardigan Nina Persson is showing a multimedia installation.

Har det bra!

Update: we didn't make it to the art installation but instead decided to bake sugar cake.

The style of my last post reminded me of a discovery I made a few years ago while looking through some old school books. I found one of my first ever pieces of written work. It was an answer to the question "what music do you like?" and began something like this...

I like Cliff Richards because his music is fast and sometimes his music is slow.

There were more spelling mistakes, but the thing that caught my attention was the innocence of my musical appreciation. I didn't have many grammatical tools, didn't have a vocabulary with which to express what I heard, and (clearly) didn't have a well developed musical palette. None the less, each new musical discovery had a freshness about it. Whether it was fast or slow, loud or quiet, it was an adventure.

Disclaimer: this quote was written at the age of 4 or 5. The responsibility for my musical listening at that age was not my own and can therefore not be held against me. Pretty please?

Yesterday I shaved my head. I just woke up knowing I had to. Earlier, I was on the phone with my Mum and she asked me "have you cut your hair?" and I told her I had shaved it off. She was sad. I miss her. I miss my hair too.

I've had Chris here since Tuesday. It's been a lot of fun hanging out, showing him Malmö, reminiscing on old times and catching up with recent events. My highlights so far (he doesn't leave til tomorrow, so there's plenty of time for more!) include:
A game of bike-tag that ended painfully on our way home from Elin's place (I now have a nice big scab on my knee).
SKA night at Metro. Dancing with Chris and Emma. Encouraging people to take the only clear route from the toilet to their seats (behind the bar) and watching them get caught (props to Jamez the Priest and Petter for their use of cunning. Points are awarded for avoidance of bar steward wrath and stylish navigation of the route in question).
Chris being told that his accent sounds like Anastasia!

Happy Saint David's Day!

Chris flies into Malmö this evening, which is very exciting. Out of all my friends I've probably known him the longest (at least 10 years), and, while we don't see each other all that often anymore, when we get together it feels like we just pick up where we left off.

I'm trying to get as much work done before he arrives as possible...

A simple question (part 2)
One thing that I know is that we all unexpectantly crave authenticity. We're so accustomed to the glossy sales pitch which, on closer inspection, is full of holes. We know marketing strategies, we know consumerism and we know that we can't trust people. But, if we're brave enough to admit it, we hope that authenticity exists and that if we look hard enough we might find it.

Then those of us who endeavour to follow Jesus look around and notice that people expect us to be judgemental, closed minded, hypocritical, out of touch. Sure, those same people, when looking at Jesus would say they see an authenticity and a hope that they wish were true, but those who claim to represent him don't echo the stories of that wonderful man.

We gather, we pray, we worship. We worry about being misunderstood. We worry about judging and try to figure out how not to do it. Our groups, whether we like it or not, need leading. The leaders need leading. We say we want to put character before gifting, that we don't choose someone just because they are good at something, but because their first goal is following Jesus and they are steadily ordering their lives around his.

Deep down we trust that we can be different, we can be authentic and we can follow Jesus. Our communities are open, they say "come as you are," just as Jesus did. We long that our lives would begin to resemble that of Christ and hope that our faith is something beyond the cerebral.

But how do we juggle the tension that exists between desiring an authentic spirituality and knowing that along the way we will fall short of our own aspirations? How do we model this authentic spirituality to those around us? How do we handle our responsibility as leaders of leaders to appoint people whose lives reflect Jesus but with an awareness that even we fall short?

How do we shape an ethics that is non-judgemental, but which affirms the possibility of change and expects it?

Nice...
(via tremble)

A simple question (part 1)
I've been pondering a fairly interesting question that, I think, really deserves some focus of theological energies. It involves the tension that exists between being a people 'in the world, but not of it,' along with concepts like inclusivity and exclusivity.

I'm part of a community of faith. We are a people who have decided that we want to follow Jesus. We are a people for whom the call to be apprentices comes before all the other things that pull on our lives. At least that's the target we've got our sights on. In choosing to follow Jesus I choose to no longer follow myself.

We have all been raised by a culture which screams individualism. A culture whose only true God is ones self. My only framework for life involves following myself. My worldview is that of seeing me as the centre of the cosmos. The world does revolve around me. I can form a set of beliefs which are most convenient to me. I can have a McDonald's (or Subway) brand of spirituality, where I take what I like and leave behind what I don't. God is only real if he affirms the infantile urges that I've been trained to succumb to.

Then I'm invited into a way of life which is all about community. A way of life which states that the best leaders are the best servants. I'm struck by how different this is, how much love is on offer and how my imagination is captured by this life beyond my own. But I've been taught that it's only hypocrites who claim to follow higher values. Humans cannot change, cannot be anything other than selfish, not deep down...

Sorry, no life-enhancing ponderings to post yet, but I've been listening to some music that takes me back something like 8 years - Pantera - such great music. I really wish this hadn't happened.

How tall is Christopher?

I received a challenge from a good friend of mine earlier in relation to this blog:

x says: (3:07:09 pm)
in your blog 1 or 2 years ago, you were regularly posting your thoughts and ponderings over the theology that struck you both from your reading and from your everyday life.

x says: (3:07:34 pm)
We haven't been seeing a lot of that lately ??

Jonathan Morgan says: (3:08:07 pm)
true

x says: (3:08:15 pm)
As a former Starbucks barista, you know about making a cappuccino...it does need some substantial espresso underneath the chocolate and froth!

Jonathan Morgan says:?(3:09:27 pm)
I think I've become much more self conscious about what I publish though

x says:?(3:10:45 pm)
i like reading your swedish cultural thoughts but i even more like your pointers on the kingdom of God.

I think I might just take x's advice.

...and they lay in pieces on the kitchen floor.
Right now it seems I'm learning not simply how to kill my darlings, but how to completely annihilate them. It's painful but I'm sure it's good for the soul. Visit my new design for lookscankill.

Hopefully that's sorted out the colour issue...

I'm reading Lullaby, another interesting Chuck Palahniuk book. I like the way he uses layers of repeating themes in his story telling. He uses this repetition to slowly unpack the narrative while always knowing that he can return the reader to an earlier concept using just a few well constructed words. Next up is 31 Songs by Nick Hornby...

Tomorrow we're off to the Red Rooms to hear some of Niklas' songs, which should be fun.

I think my post from yesterday may have given the wrong impression. In the absence of something more concrete to write about I decided to indulge a passing thought I had when looking out of the window. I wasn't actually feeling all that melancholic...

Today the sun is back and has joined forces with last night's rain to clear much of the snow from roads and footpaths. In writing about the weather this much I'm making no progress in dismissing stereotypes about Brits.

Well here's a new skin and this time I'm experimenting with a larger typeface...I'm not sure if it makes this particular font (Geneva) more readable - let me know what you think. It seems to look consistent in most browsers, inc. Internet Explorer for Windows, though IE for Mac, as usual, is a real disappointment...
Update: Zoe tells me the colour of the banner appears brown, rather than crimson, on the PC - is this the case?

It's another Monday morning and from the window of our apartment I watch the snow fall in thick, fluffy clouds. People make their way to work with great attention to their every step. In the summer you can stroll, look around, take in the sights. When it's snowing your every step bears potential for a slip, a wet foot, general discomfort. The snow brings with it the curse of gloomy introversion.

So we're finally online in the apartment, which means the library is no longer my second place. Today I discovered a third place, called Element, in walking distance of home. Christopher took me to a flea market, which was an interesting experience... not sure I'll be going back there in a hurry.

culture shock
I'm sat in the library, as usual, and I just spotted a guy outside walk up to the edge of the kerb, pick up a handful of snow, put it in his mouth, then pick up another handful of snow and use it to wash his hands...

Well yesterday was LL Cool J, Common and Funkadelic. Today is At The Drive In and John Coltrane. We've ordered our broadband connection, so a week from now will mark the last day of this wonderful library as my office. If only I had such a good CD collection at home.

Tonight our housegroup has some visitors from Toronto, which should be fun.

I've been listening to a lot of music from the Stadsbibliotek (city library) and have noticed that they have a surprising amount of Welsh music. In the past few days I've found CDs from the likes of Dub War and Gorky's Zygotic Mynci...

No matter what colour, Vans slip-ons really aren't the attire for tackling 5 inch deep snow. Apparently neither are Clarks Wallabies. It's strange moving somewhere with a notably harsher climate and discovering that clothes you once thought warm are seriously inadequate.

The Snow it falls
The streets of Malmö are now covered with a thick blanket of fresh white snow. On the right are some photos I took on my way to the library. I was snow biking, so please forgive the poor compositions.

Strangely enough I'm listening to Bruce Springsteen - Matt would be proud!

It's funny how British art seems more interesting when enjoyed from other lands. I laugh harder at Ali G and Little Britain here than I ever would at home and even enjoy listening to Radiohead and Coldplay more.

There's this one sketch on The Ali G Show where he interviews something like the US Chief of Security and asks him "couldn't you arrange it so that those machines at airports for finding belts and watches and stuff could detect weapons?" (my paraphrase).

Anyhow I saw that episode, laughed, and thought nothing of it. Until Tim arrived. Somehow he made it past security at 3 airports, on his way to Malmö, without anyone noticing that he had a fishing knife in his coat pocket. He didn't realise himself until he arrived in Sweden!

It seems like every day some progress is made towards me being able to remain in Sweden. On Friday afternoon I was told that I am now eligable to receive a temporary residence permit.

Advice for anyone moving to Sweden: start at the tax office and avoid the migration board until they give you a personal number (unless you happen to be moving to Sweden because of a significant other who happens to be Swedish, in which case the door is wide open!)

In Sweden, opening a bank and joining a library are both equally as straight forward. You go in, you present your passport, you tell them your address. Voila, you have opened a bank account. Why is it so hard to open an account in the UK?

Okay, this announcement may be slightly premature, but I'm starting a web design company called Looks Can Kill. My new website can be found at lookscankill.org. If you have any work for me please leave a comment and I will email you.

Ugly black snow.
I think the worst thing about the weather being this cold is that the snow lingers for ever. The last time it snowed in Malmö was sometime around New Years' Day, so this is old snow, and it lost its shiny whiteness many days ago.

For those of you who were wondering, I haven't dropped off the face of the Earth. I've been away from broadband for a while and am re-emerging thanks to some new web design exploits. I'll post some more on this when I get the chance.

New Year was spent 'Snow Biking' with Mark in Malmö harbour, pulling skids and watching the fireworks (amateur and professional). It turns out that Swedes (at least those living here) have a strange fascination with all things fire (candles, firewords, whatever) and for one night the city was transformed into something resembling a war zone.

We're just back from watching the sun go down at Sotherndown. While travelling back and forth they played Madonna's Vogue twice on the radio. This is my last night in Cardiff. Tomorrow I head back to Malmö with Zoe and Mark in tow (or toe?) ready to celebrate the dawn of 2006.

The Switchbacks
This morning I rode a trail that I've ridden many times in the past, but haven't been near for maybe 3 or 4 months. It's known as 'The Switchbacks' because of the hairpin turns, which make it a really fun ride. It starts out steepish and fairly simple, and ends with a fast, near flat, fairly technical (weaving between trees etc.) piece of singletrack.

This morning I noticed that the trail has changed somewhat since my last ride. The loose rocks have gone and been replaced by small red stones, as have other more precarious parts of the trail. This makes it a much faster ride, but also a much safer ride and I'm not sure I like it.

The thing I enjoyed the most was just being outside and out of the city. I know it sounds like a cliché, but too little time in the outdoors makes me feel like a caged animal.

Thanks to John, James, Elinor and Elin I now have a CV in Swedish! Tack så mycket. Also thanks to those who have cared for me in different ways during my first month in Sweden. I've spent some time figuring out the mac keyboard shortcuts so will no longer be spelling Malmö without the dots.

God Jul en och allt (I'm sure you can't directly translate "one and all" like that but what do I know?)

Peace.

This is my third day in the UK. It's nice to be home, seeing friends and family and noticing all the differences between here and Sweden. One of the things I noticed first was that I was looking the wrong way when crossing the road. I've had to remind myself, when walking into a shop, "it's not 'hey' and 'tack,' but 'hi' and thankyou..."

I haven't needed my gloves or hat either...

Yesterday at 7.35am I awoke to the sound of words I didn't recognise and voices I did as Emma and Sofia sang me the Swedish equivalent of 'Happy Birthday' and entered the room with an icecream cake and candles. I blew out the candles and proceeded with my icecream breakfast...

At 7.40am Elinor and Sara showed up, sang, and presented me with manna (well, Ben and Jerry's).

During the day I hung out with Emma, went shopping and got ready for our guests in the evening. We had a great meal - a feta cheese pie, and people started arriving from 8ish. The apartment filled up and we had a lot of fun mingling with some new friends.

Pictures (hopefully) to follow (please: Emma, Pete, anyone else who brought their camera).

All in all a great birthday.

Well the winter here is much milder than I expected. That's not to say it isn't cold, but it's December 17th and I've been able to continue cycling wherever I need to go. I've only had one moment where I would say I was chilled to the bone and that actually had more to do with following someone who was cycling really slow. To top this off I think I've only been caught in rain twice this month and neither occasion was heavy enough to dampen my shoe-covered toes.

Today is the Malmo Vineyard Christmas party and I'll hopefully get to sample some more traditional Swedish Christmas food (if any of it is vegetarian!) I'm constantly blown away by the fact that you can move cities and find a community of like-minded individuals with whom you can share life and faith (not that the two are really that easy to separate!)

On Monday I celebrate my 23rd Birthday, which should be fun. This year I get to celebrate it twice - on Monday with friends in Malmo and then Tuesday when I fly home to my family for Christmas.

Now to make some Greek(ish) couscous salad with one of the bargains of Malmo - 20kr for 1/2Kg of feta cheese (from the Greek delicatessen in Mollevangen).

Tonight we celebrated Lucia at Malmo Stadsbibliotek (city library) with a midnight concert from a small band of choristers. It's so nice to be somewhere where advent festivities aren't completely overshadowed by the impulse to max out the collective credit card.

The last few days I've been full of cold and very aware that the clock is ticking in the run up for Christmas. I went to university with Elinor and printed out some notices offering proof reading for students whose first language is Swedish and are submitting coursework in English. It'll be interesting to see what comes.

These times of being slightly below par are kind of good for reflecting and evaluating progress I guess.

On Wednesday night I attended an interdenominational mass that seems to be run by students of a local theological college. It was the first service I've been to that was held entirely in Swedish (including all songs), and, because of the cold, my head was really not in gear, but it was very relaxed and I enjoyed its simplicity.

Well I'm still alive. Mark C went home on Saturday, so I'm now hanging with mostly Swedes. The Swedish isn't coming along as quickly as I would like, but I am learning, and I'm sure that when I fix myself a routine of practise and study I will improve much faster.

On Friday night Mark, Emma and I were at Crash, an indie night at The Deep. We met up with some of Emma's friends from back home (Varnamo), including Nicholas who goes out with their housemate (Bea). I think Emma found it amusing when Nicholas grabbed me and pulled me into a group of lads who were jumping up and down on the dancefloor singing along with some swedish band that I'd never heard. Not one to let the fact that I can't make out the lyrics hold me back I decided to sing along ("watermelon, watermelon, watermelon...").

I'm feeling very taken care of. God seems to have provided me with a network of supportive and encouraging friends far more quickly than I would ever have expected.